I am trained to work with people who have experienced a traumatic event or multiple traumatic events. If you are experiencing symptoms such as: panic attacks, anxiety, flashbacks, sleep disturbances, irrational fears and phobias, memory blocks, physical illness or depression then it is possible you are suffering from past trauma. Even if a person does not consciously remember past trauma they will still have the same symptoms as someone who does remember.
To find out more about how I work with trauma and abuse, get in touch today, alternatively, please read on.
Memories and remembering
The point in remembering trauma is for the unconscious mind to give you enough information to facilitate healing and resolution. Most often the unconscious mind will give a bit of information at a time, this may begin as flashbacks. Flashbacks are usually triggered by a sight, sound, smell, feeling or taste linked to the original trauma.
Once enough conscious memory has returned to help you engage in therapy, symptoms (e.g. disturbed sleep) can be used as a measuring gauge. This means, when the symptoms that represent unresolved issues end, we can assume that the trauma is sufficiently resolved also and therefore the remembering is likely to end too.
Trauma and resolution – using Parks Inner Child Therapy
I use a specific technique within Parks Inner Child Therapy called the TRAUMA RESOLUTION EXPERIENCE (or TRE) in order to help my clients recover from traumatic memories that they have. Most people who require the TRE need to have a fuller understanding of how the original memory manifested, specifically what was MISSING at the time that the memory was created. There is no need to revisit the entire traumatic memory, all I need as a therapist is the feeling you felt at the time of the event. So, this is a compassionate approach to resolution.
Screaming and yelling at children violates their sense of value. Parents who call their children “stupid”, “idiot”, “lazy”; “silly”, “pathetic”, “crazy” wound them with every word. The resulting mistaken beliefs for the children will include things like: “ I’m stupid” or “I’m crazy.”
Emotional abuse also comes in the form of strictness, perfectionism and control. Perfectionism produces a deep sense of toxic shame; a sense of: “I’m not good enough.” No matter what you do, you never measure up. All shame-based families use perfectionism, control and blame as manipulating tools. You shouldn’t feel what you feel, your ideas are mad, your desires are stupid. You are continuously found to be flawed and defective; just plain ‘bad.’
Neglect is also emotional abuse. For example, ‘unavailable’ parents are a huge issue in our culture. When a child cannot get the unconditional love and acceptance he or she needs back from their parent; or when the parents are too busy to spend time with the child; or when time-poor, tired parents lose control and shout verbal abuse at the child, then that child is left with the deepest wound imaginable – that of inherited shame; of not being loved for who they are; of not being valued as truly precious, above all else. Their sense of uniqueness; their ‘I AM-ness’, is not granted. This feeling of being flawed, diminished and never quite measuring up; of feeling “I’m not good enough” is so much worse than guilt. With guilt, you’ve done something wrong; but you can repair it. With shame there’s something wrong with you and there’s nothing you can do about it; you are inadequate and defective.
Imagine what goes through a child’s mind, when someone they trust and think is their ‘buddy’ suddenly hits them; or smacks them; or yanks them by the ear; or pulls down their underwear and hits them with a belt; or throws them to the floor? What is that child supposed to think or feel? The sense of violation and emotional eruption is tremendously traumatic. I have not yet found any research to prove that smacking teaches a child anything other than: when you are angry, it is OK to hit other people. Discipline (disciplina is the Latin word for to teach) has lost its way in dysfunctional families. This occurs often where the parents, who have themselves been physically and emotionally abused as children, possess very low emotional control. They ‘lose it’ and the child feels the shame of not mattering, or at least ‘mattering’ only in a perverse way as a punchbag.
Sexual abuse causes shame more intensely than any other kind of violation. There are so many forms of sexual abuse and we only see the tip of the iceberg with the stories about penetrative sexual abuse that are in the media. Sexual abuse is a child being used for an adult’s sexual pleasure. As adults, when we know we are being used, we get furious. Children cannot know they are being used. When we are sexually abused, we feel we’re not lovable as we are, and we become anti-sexual or super-sexual in order to feel like we matter. Remember, for the sexual abuse to take place, emotional abuse has to exist first, to ensure everything is kept hidden. In this atmosphere, intense shame takes root and feelings of blame within the child are encouraged by the abuser, to make sure that no one ever finds out. That’s why many abusers maintain the cover story of: “she wanted it” or “he kept coming back for more” – transferring the blame to the child.
The therapy I employ is specifically developed to treat survivors of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. We don’t need to open Pandora’s box but you have to do the work. However, the result is worth it, as it gives you full resolution, not just coping skills; and we remove your shame, blame and guilt.
You have a choice
The symptoms you are experiencing are neither inevitable nor incurable. Working with me, using the powerful Parks Inner Child Therapy that I employ, means you do have a choice.
You need to experience it to see for yourself. To find out more, get in touch today on 07702 911787 or email for a FREE, no-obligation 30 minutes initial consultation.